....A one-act-play.

Sabres-7/Rangers-4
Rather than regurgitate the stats, i thought I would shed a little light on just what goes on down at ice level with a little one act play I like to call "Slug Life...how to slap a big, euro-crybaby around like a bitch and entertain 18,690 Buffaloians who just dug themselves out of 2 feet of snow"

The setting: It's the night after a gnarly storm in Buffalo. 3 people are dead and thousands are without power. Everyone is pissed. But hey, the local hockey team has this douchebag named Jagr coming to down with his high-falootin' N.Y. Rangers. May be the local boys will slap him around like lake-effect snow slaps around Buffalo.....

Ryan Miller:(thinking to himself, shortly after the opening faceoff)....wow! that was a lot of snow, I never saw that kind of crap in tropical Michigan. Oh well, I guess SHIT! they scored!......

Jagr:Hey Shanahan, nice goal off my pass, but I could have scored it better. I knew I should have never cut my hair.....

Lindy Ruff(to his players):Hey guys....we're down a goal. And you know, our families are without power, we had a tough time getting to the arena, we're a bit stressed. Let's get a couple of guys in the box and make this interesting. I just don't feel right about us being down by one goal.....

2 Penalties later.....

Ryan Miller:ohman5on3,ohman5on3,ohman5on3,ohman5on3,ohman5on3,DAMN! they scored AGAIN!!!!

11:28 in the 1st period....

Jagr:Ya, I tripp so I canno shood da pog and score goal, It not my fauld! Jagr number one, Jagr number one!

14:52 of the 1st....

Ales Kotalik to Lindy Ruff: hey coach, I was thinking about going out there and scoring a goal...what do you think?

Lindy Ruff: Yeah, it's getting to be about that time.

Ales Kotalik: OK, I'll be right back....

Score is now 2-1 Rangers. Ales Kotalik is just getting back on the bench....

Chris Drury to Ales Kotalik: Hey man, that was fun assisting you on that goal. Do you mind if I go out and get one for myself?

Ales Kotalik: Hey, knock yourself out!

Chris Drury to Lindy Ruff:Coach? Is that cool?

Lindy Ruff. Sure, but don't get too carried away. We can't be going out and scoring 100 goals a game! We still need to get some face-punching in and if every Buffalonian has a drink for every goal we score, we may need to come up with about 19,000 livers for transplant, so be careful....

Chris Drury: OK coach

Meanwhile, between rogaine treatments to grow his mullet back, jagr is on the ice thinking.....

Jagr:me Jagr, me get pog......

Chris Drury:excuse me, pardon me, just need to get this pass and put it over here in this net...no! don't get up...really, I'm fine.

The Buffalo Sabres bench erupts like a classroom full of kids that all know the answer to the teachers question....

Daniel Briere(hand raised): oooh! oooh! coach!....can I do that too?

Max Afinogenov: is good for me to? take pog, score goal?

Jochen Hecht: Vat about zee Germans? Vee score goals too?

Lindy Ruff: Aah, what the hell, go ahead!

Daniel briere: Me fisrt! Jumps over the boards, scores a goal, and the period ends....

Now, of course, this play is a work in progress. However, I have been contacted by several producers about a made-for-TV movie, a broadway musical, and a porn flick. I expect it to be way better than the film "Miracle" because the word miracle refers to an act of god. When the Sabres win the stanley cup, it will actually be better than a miracle....Ryan Miller will BECOME Jesus...We play the Flyers on Tuesday. We'll slap Forsberg around this time...